Of Cheetos, Scarfs, & Cabbage Patches
by DaeDreemer
Summary: An evening alone sees Chuck, Blair, and Eric in an herbal haze-- new things are tried, some things broken, some things stolen... and summer is underway.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer**: I do not own "Gossip Girl."

**Author Note**: Set Post Finale. Fluff/Crack fic with a dash of angst. :P For Jackie (Blood Red Kiss of Death) on the occasion of her birthday. I hope this makes you smile, hon!

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"Chuck!" Eric's surprised voice had Chuck lifting his head from the drawer he was look through, "You're home!" The younger boy continued.

Chuck nodded, offered the kid a smile before going back to his search.

Eric walked into the room, tilted his head to one side, as he studied his brother. It was past 8 PM and he hadn't thought to expect Chuck tonight. But the older boy was here, wearing a collared shirt— un-tucked and rumpled, no jacket and no tie of any kind, his hair mussed and his hands digging through one his clothes drawers almost desperately.

"You okay?" Eric asked him, "Where'd you go?" There was no response, so Eric continued carefully, "I called you." And then because it really was getting old, he added, "More than once."

Chuck didn't look at him, "Have you been in here?"

"In where?" Eric looked around, "Your room?"

Chuck looked up, "Yes, this drawer specifically."

Eric frowned a little, "No I haven't."

Chuck frowned back and then started pulling clothing from the cabinet and dumping them on the floor.

Chuck Bass— throwing _clothes _on the _floor_.

"Are you okay?" He asked again when Chuck started mumbling to himself; something about _fast _and _change her mind._

Eric took a step closer to him, "Chuck?" He called a moment later.

The other boy looked up, "Yes?"

Eric gave him a tiny, sarcastic wave, "Hi, are you okay? Where have you been? I called you." He listed dryly.

Chuck stared for a moment and then smiled a little, answered just as dryly. "I'm _perfect. _Europe. And I know."

Eric rolled his eyes, "Yeah, I know, Europe— I have the internet too; that's not what—"

But he trailed off because Chuck turned back to the drawer, emptied it of all clothes and then scowled at the bottom of it.

Eric sighed softly, considered the other boy for a moment and decided to plunge in. Because Chuck needed to know and god knew Mom wasn't going to tell him. "I have to tell you something."

"Okay, tell me." Chuck stated, shoving that drawer closed and pulling the one above it open.

"Okay…" Eric responded, watching for a moment as Chuck gave this drawer the same, rifle-through-toss-to-the-floor treatment, "Maybe…" he said quietly, "Pay attention just to me."

Chuck stopped, looked over at him; Eric looked back.

And then the older boy nodded and moved to sit on the bed.

The room was silent for a moment until Eric took a deep breath and spoke; words said on a rush of air, "Mom's engaged to Rufus and they moved in yesterday." He confessed, voice flirting with anxious.

Then he bit his lip and watched for Chuck's reaction.

Chuck looked at him for a long moment, then tilted his head to one side, "You called me to tell me this?" He asked softly.

Eric blinked, then made a motion with his hand— Chuck could be slow about things like this, "I called you for a lot of reasons," he said slowly, "Namely you disappeared, _again, _without telling anyone, _again, _and stopped responding to texts, _again, _and answering calls, _again."_

There was disapproval in his voice and worry in his eyes and Chuck grimaced a little. He looked down for a moment, "I was going to call back…"

Eric scoffed, forgot for a moment that he was supposed to be watching for Chuck's reaction, "But then a stripper stole your phone or something…?"

Chuck's head lifted quickly, "There were no strippers, don't go spreading that around…" he said, smirking suddenly.

Eric blinked at him, that smirk was a happy-smirk; not a pretending-to-be-happy smirk, but an actually-pleased-with-life smirk.

Not the reaction he had expected to this announcement.

"Okay…" he said softly, moving to sit on the bed next to Chuck, "What'd I miss?"

Chuck considered him for a moment and then confessed, "Blair told me— before… about Lily."

"Oh," Eric stated.

Chuck nodded, "Yeah."

They were quiet for a beat and then Eric asked, "And?"

Chuck shrugged, "It's not precisely unexpected."

"No," Eric agreed, "But… still."

"Yeah," Chuck agreed after a moment, "Still."

The silence between them was comfortably shared, both just sitting there contemplating separate thoughts together; and then Chuck continued, voice still quiet, "It's going to be… awkward..." he said then trailed off.

Eric waited.

Chuck picked it up a moment later, "… to see her married to someone else. It's like… she's… my Dad's… you know…?"

Eric bit his lip, nodded once; remained silent.

Chuck turned to face him, "Or maybe you don't? You're used to this, aren't you? The changing husband's?"

Eric shrugged, didn't quite meet Chuck's gaze, because he'd never lump Bart in with the others.

"It's not…" he said softly, "Not _used to _itexactly… just…" he dropped his gaze to the floor for a moment, but when he lifted it he met Chuck's gaze directly, "I know how it works."

Chuck held his gaze and asked very seriously, "So tell me."

"Te—tell you?" Eric asked tentatively, surprise flickering over his face.

"I should know how works too, don't you think?"

And Eric stared, because the allusion to being around for more husbands, to _being around_, was practically unmistakable. Was Chuck really saying it?

Chuck shifted his gaze back to the floor, said ruefully, "Is there a pamphlet or something?"

The question surprised a small laugh from Eric and he shook his head, blinked away his surprise.

"There probably should be," he agreed, blowing out a deep breath and rubbing his hands together a little nervously, "Basically… every time you settle, she'll…" he paused and then shrugged, didn't know how else to put it, "She'll marry or divorce someone…"

There was another beat of silence; reflective, before Chuck turned back to Eric and arched an eyebrow at him, "Lily does know how to keep life interesting doesn't she?"

Eric blinked again; the pleased-with-life smirk was back. It didn't make sense.

"Chuck," he said warily, "You can talk to me… you don't have to— I mean, I'm not exactly thrilled with—" he cut himself off; sighed, "Jenny 24/7 is gonna…" he trailed off, started over, "You don't have to pretend. Just tell me what you're thinking."

Chuck tilted his head to one side, studied him for another second and then the smirk widened into a half smile, "I'm thinking, I'm lucky I can move out."

Eric cringed a little, looked away; well, he'd asked. "Oh."

And then Chuck leaned to the side a bit, bumped Eric's shoulder with his own. "Cheer up, kid. Lucky for you, your brother owns a conveniently local hotel."

Eric's head whirled to look at Chuck, He does?"

Chuck nodded once, seriously, "He does."

Eric didn't even bother hiding his grin, Chuck was _totally _saying it. "That's really great."

Chuck rolled his eyes at him.

Eric nodded, "It _is._" He enthused and then he said about the hotel offer, "I'm definitely going to need an escape suite. Thanks, Chuck."

Chuck shook his head a little, the kid was too _sincere. _"Was that everything on your mind then?" He asked him, moving to stand.

And Eric blinked, a realization washing over him. "Wait, _Blair_ told you about Mom?" He asked.

"Yes. Serena told her."

"Oh," he said, then added, "Huh…" his voice tinged with amazement.

And maybe there was touch too much surprise in his voice, because Chuck sent him a quick dark glare, "It's not _that _unexpected," he accused.

"No! Of course not! Definitely not," Eric defended quickly, hands coming up in the air for a moment.

"It isn't," Chuck insisted.

Eric nodded, agreeing, and then smiled a tiny bit and asked, contradicting himself, "So you guys… _talk_, now?"

And Chuck's eyes went dark, "Not when I can help it," he answered, his voice dropping an octave.

Eric frowned a little, "Not when you can—?"

"I prefer for our mouths to do _other_ things," Chuck cut in, gaze faraway.

"What?" Eric asked, for a moment not following where Chuck was going—

And then Chuck's gaze sharpened, and he was.

"No, wait—!" He nearly shouted, as his question hung between them; because he knew, Chuck _would tell him._

The younger boy shook his head, "Not _what_ as in what do you prefer—" he flushed a little, "I mean… what are you—" And then Eric's face cleared, eyes lighting up, "You told her you love her!" He concluded.

Chuck startled.

But Eric's smile was spreading, "That's great, Chuck!" The boy was saying, a hand coming out to touch Chuck's arm, "I'm really happy for—"

"How did you know… that?" Chuck asked him, cutting off the younger the boy's enthusiasm.

Eric's mouth snapped shut and he shrugged a little.

"Eric…?" Chuck prodded, "How did you know about that?" He asked. He hadn't told anyone about the cat-and-mouse game of I love you that he and Blair had played.

A smirk played around Eric's lips, "You mean the Blair-wanting-you-to-tell-her-you-love-her-and-you-not-doing-it thing?"

Chuck tilted his head, "Yes. That _thing._"

"The girls kinda… talk about it… a lot."

Chuck blinked at the kid, surprise rippling over him, "Do you… _listen… _to them?" He asked, eyes actually widening— because he'd never thought to get _Eric _involved in the game.

Eric shrugged again, wider this time, the smile spreading, "If I get bored."

Chuck's staring lasted another moment, before an answering smile spread across his face, "Do they know?" He asked curiously.

"I've told Serena… I think she's forgotten…"

"Have you ever been caught?"

He grinned, "Not since I was seven…"

The room was silent for a moment, the boys staring at each other and then Chuck spoke, "Eric," he said, tone full of consideration, "I think you and I are in for a… lovely partnership this summer."

Eric laughed little, "We already have a _lovely _partnership Chuck. And I'm really proud of you for telling her you love her— that's really great."

Chuck's sly smile turned a little shy as he ducked his head a bit, "Yeah, well… it was time and—"

"How _long _exactly does it take to find— Eric!" Blair turned into the bedroom and her eyes went completely round when she spotted Eric. Her hair was down, mussed and headband-less; she was wearing a gold top with ruffled collar and a brown print skirt— both looking not nearly as pristine as her usual attire, and she was oddly flushed.

Eric smiled at her, "Hi Blair."

"Eric," she repeated his name, eyes flitting to Chuck, "_Eric _is here."

Chuck smirked, nodded, "I'm aware."

She came further into the room, eyes going back to the younger boy, "Aren't you— should you— I mean, I talked to Serena and— there's a dinner… your Mom and the," she paused to make a face, "Rest of them are out… and…" she trailed off.

Eric's smile widened, "I didn't go." He stated; the _obviously _hung in the air.

Blair stared at him, "Oh."

"They're going to the loft after. Apparently there's still stuff to pack."

"Oh."

"They'll be back late. Mom told me not to wait up."

She didn't reply.

"I didn't want to go; said I wanted to get ahead with summer reading."

She swallowed hard; still staring at him, taking in his t-shirt and his pajama pants, like his presence was just incomprehensible. "That's… industrious."

He smiled a bit, "And a lie."

"Oh."

He laughed a little and it seemed to break her out of her trance; she shook her head and teased, "Breathing Brooklyn free air while you can still get it, huh?"

"Something like that," he admitted.

The room was quiet for a moment and then Chuck stood from the bed, "So you haven't been in here?" He asked Eric again.

Eric shook his head, "Nope, why?"

"I'm missing something."

"You're _missing _it," Blair's squeaked, whirling towards him, "I _agreed _and now you don't _have _any?!" The pitch of her voice made them both cringe.

"I have some!" Chuck insisted, "Just not in here."

His gaze went to Eric again, "But there _was _some here. Has Serena been in here?"

Eric tilted his head to one side, "Excuse me while I check the footage of my hidden camera."

Chuck stared at him.

"I'm _kidding," _Eric said, "I don't actually monitor all of her movements."

"Someone has been in here," Chuck insisted.

"Maybe you _used _it," Blair hissed, "And forgot."

"I don't forget."

"Maybe you _don't forget_ like you _have some_."

"I do have some, just not in here," Chuck repeated, more mildly now as he gave up the search in his room.

"What are you looking for?"

Eric's innocent question was met with absolute silence. Chuck and Blair met one another's gaze; Blair's eyes widened a little in panic, Chuck smirked.

He opened his mouth to answer his brother, but Blair beat him to it.

"Condoms!" She shouted, taking another step into the room.

Eric's eyes widened and he stood from the bed, "Okay then… well…"

Chuck laughed, "You'd rather he know we're having sex than—"

Blair rolled her eyes, "He _knows _we have sex! The whole world knows we have sex! Thanks to you and your Gossip Whore Self!"

"Actually, I believe it was Nathaniel who announced that particular tidbit."

"Okay, guys. I'm gonna… go to my room…" Eric interrupted, "And pretend this never happened."

"Ignore her, she's had a martini or four."

"Two, you Bass-hole, I had two."

Eric laughed at that and Chuck took the moment to shake his head ruefully and place a hand on Eric's shoulder, "Blair and I are having a night of confession and debauchery. I suggested something… _herbal… _to relax her, she agreed."

"Chuck!" She protested.

Eric stared at them, skeptical, "Aren't all your secrets on Gossip Girl now anyway?"

Chuck smirked, "Do you really believe that?"

Eric bit his lip, considered his brother and then Blair and then Chuck again, before saying, "Good point."

"Would you like to join us?" Chuck asked, squeezing his shoulder.

"Eric, can't _join us!_" Blair hissed, "Eric's a _kid!" _

"I'm sixteen," Eric stated, "Actually."

Blair froze, "Sixteen?"

Eric smirked at her, "Yes. You know," he paused, "Two years younger than you."

Blair gaped at him.

"Remember what we were doing at sixteen, B?" Chuck teased.

"I most certainly absolutely whole-heartedly do _not," _she spat him, "_Particularly _not in front of _Eric." _

Eric laughed, shrugged as he said wryly, "I could go for a drink."

"Of course you could," Chuck agreed, "Your domain has been infiltrated by the enemy."

"Eric can't drink."

The boys gave Blair one similar, _too_ similar if you asked her, smirk and then Chuck looped his arm Eric's neck and tugged him out of the room, "Let's see what you're made of, kid."

"We are _not _going to see what he's made of!" Blair cried following them.

The apartment was quiet, just the three of them among boxes yet unpacked and the clutter of what had been.

"Do you two hear me!?" She continued, following them into den.

Chuck looked over at her from where he was opening the liquor cabinet. "I thought you were loosening up…?"

"I _was_, but—"

"Am I _imposing _on you_, _Blair?" Eric asked cheekily, because he never had, "Hindering your loosening…?"

"What?! No… just…" She sighed, "You're the _little _one."

Eric rolled his eyes and Chuck came up to Blair, handed her a decanter, "Be a dear then and pour the _little one_ a scotch." He murmured.

She glared at him, then at Eric, then back at Chuck and snatched the decanter from his grasp. "Fine. But I don't approve."

"Duly noted, _darling_."

Eric rolled his eyes as he took the two glasses Chuck was handing him. "Oh!" Eric said brightly, remembering the pair's reconciliation, "Congratulations, B. I'm glad you two worked out your differences."

Blair eyed the younger boy, "You mean, that he finally admitted that I'm the light of his life and he can't bear to be without me?"

Eric nodded vigorously, "Yep, I mean that."

"My thoughts exactly," Chuck murmured, he was standing behind her now, one arm going around her waist, the other coming around in front of her so she could pour scotch into his glass.

She turned her profile towards him a little as she filled, first the glasses Eric was holding, and then his. Chuck took bottle from her then and moved to set it on the desk as Eric handed her a glass.

"To the end of high school," Chuck offered, standing beside Eric, across from her.

Blair nodded, raised her glass. Chuck's eyes were on her lips even as he raised his glass so the rims touched.

"Guys," Eric said, amused, "I'm still in high school."

"Hm," Chuck said, bringing the glass to his lips, gaze still fixed on Blair, "An unfortunate circumstance little brother."

The tip of Blair's pink tongue peeked out between her lips as she took a slow sip of the scotch.

Chuck was hypnotized.

Eric rolled his eyes again, "I think maybe I should go before you two… start."

Chuck blinked; Blair giggled, "Start what?" She asked.

Chuck smirked, reached out swiftly to wrap an arm around her waist and pull her closer to him, "Probably something like this." He said, his mouth covering hers.

"Oh god, yeah. _Exactly _like that." Eric huffed and downed the scotch in one swallow.

Chuck lifted his head and looked over, looked delighted when he saw Eric's empty glass. "Second round?"

Eric shook his head, "I think you two—"

"Well what _else _are you going to do tonight?" Blair cut in, looking at him with an arched eyebrow as she took another sip of her drink.

She was turned towards him now, her back against Chuck, his arm around her middle.

"_Not _watching _that_ all night long," he countered, arching an eyebrow right back, "And didn't you just tell me that I was too young to drink anyway?"

Chuck moved to retrieve the scotch bottle, "Trust me on this, E. The more liquor in her, the better this idea will seem to her."

Blair glared at him.

"By tomorrow she'll think it was all her idea."

"Shut-up, Chuck." She hissed, but her eyes were sparkling with amusement.

"Would you care to make me?"

"I might."

And then they were kissing again and Eric sighed, moved to sit on top of the desk and wait for them to be finished. He filled his own glass and was considering the wisdom of downing the whole thing again when they came up for air.

They were staring at each other and he rolled his eyes again, lifted the glass towards his mouth.

Chuck's hand shot out and wrapped around his wrist, "Not so fast, kid."

Blair giggled, "Let's toast to E and his reign at Constance."

"I go to St. Jude's and I don't _reign." _

Blair giggled, again, took a deeper sip as she turned out of Chuck's hold, "Don't be silly, Eric, Jenny is going to be your figurehead. Why do you think I chose her?"

"Because you taught her how to exploit weaknesses and appear heartless?"

"That girl learned nothing from me, have you _seen _her clothing?!"

"And that hair cut?" Chuck added, shuddered dramatically as he released Eric's wrist and refilled his own glass.

"I'm not ruling." He pointed out, amused at their antics.

"Of course you are," Blair made her own point, "You're the only one of us left there."

Eric rolled his eyes, _again; _his retinal muscles were sure getting a work out. "Thanks for the vote of confidence B, but I'll stay out of the hierarchy thank you very much."

"Good choice," Chuck agreed, raising his glass.

Blair frowned a little at him, but raised her glass; Eric did the exact same thing.

"To the puppet master," he said eyeing Eric, "On the sidelines."

It was Blair's turn to roll her eyes, "You just want him to be the puppet master so he's like you." She accused, letting the warm alcohol slide down her throat.

Chuck swallowed his scotch, savored the tingle on his tongue. "What's wrong with that? You just want him to rule so he'll be like you."

Eric grinned, swirled the scotch in his glass, "Guys, I'm standing right here." He said, drinking his portion as well.

"So you are, Eric, so you are." Chuck agreed amicably.

"What shall we do now then?" Blair asked, her voice curious. And Eric blinked at her, wondered if she really had had four martini's.

Chuck smirked, topped off everyone's glass, "One for the road and then we're off…"

Eric blinked at him too, "How much had you guys had to drink before you came up here?"

"In the limo…" Blair said softly, dark eyes dancing over to Chuck's, and then she _blushed. _

Eric slipped off the desk and took a big step back, "Enough said, nothing that makes you look like that is something I want to hear."

"Bottoms up, fellas."

"I am _not _a 'fella', Chuck Bass." Blair scolded as Chuck and Eric tipped back their glasses.

Chuck stared at her for a moment and then smiled a little, "Bottoms up, Queen of my Heart," he paused, "Better?"

Her eyes lit up as she smirked at him and said, "Marginally so." And then she swallowed the finger of scotch in her glass.

"So where's Jonathon tonight?" She asked Eric, almost sweetly as Chuck began leading them from the room.

They were holding hands and Eric thought that was sort of adorable, but probably not a good thought to voice.

Blair's question took a longer time than he knew it should have to produce an answer from him. "Oh… um… he's on vacation… with his family… for a couple weeks."

"That's wonderful news," Blair said, oddly triumphant.

Eric frowned a little, interesting reaction. They were in the kitchen now.

"Blair and I were on our way to 1812… I came here to acquire some of my private stash," Chuck explained.

"But we can stay here now," Blair stated, reaching out and linking her arm through Eric's. "With Eric. He shouldn't be alone."

Eric looked over at her, pressed his lips together, eyes twinkling, "I don't really need a nanny anymore, B."

She scowled at him, "Those women were all incompetent anyway!"

"Chuck, what are you doing?" He asked letting Blair's outrage wash over him; her never liking any of his nannies was an old story.

Chuck was rotating one of the lower cupboards that held the kitchen appliances, examining each one with interest.

"Blair agreed. Can't have her disappointed."

She scoffed at Eric's side, "Right, like you've never done _that_."

Chuck looked over as he pulled out an appliance, a slightly disapproving line between his brows, "New dawn, B."

She smirked and Eric watched as Chuck extracted a package from the appliance and set it on the counter, then carefully unrolled it to reveal several neatly made joints.

"You hide drugs in our bread maker?!" He gasped, pulling away from Blair and taking a closer look.

Chuck gave him a level look, "Do we use the bread maker?"

Eric stared, openly awed, "Well, no."

The kitchen was quiet then.

"It's okay if you want to admit I'm brilliant." Chuck said gallantly into the silence.

Eric breathed a laugh just as Blair shrieked, "Don't you dare! There's already no living with him."

Chuck smirked, "Shall we?"

Eric's eyebrows rose almost to his hairline, "You agreed to smoke with Chuck?" He asked Blair, a little surprised.

She pursed her lips, "Are _you _agreeing?"

"Touché." He murmured.

Chuck sighed, "You two give this much more consideration than it merits." And then he handed them each one.

They each took it in their hands and stared at it and then each other. And maybe it was the alcohol or maybe it was the quiet or maybe it was the beginning of the summer… but _why not _seemed to circle around them, between them.

And then they shrugged. Why not, indeed.

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	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer**: I do not own "Gossip Girl."

**Author's Note**: Still for Jackie. I hope this is what you had in mind. :P

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"… and then we kissed, right there on the sidewalk." Blair said with flourish, a hand waving in the air, the other resting against Chuck's shin who was stretched out beside her. She was lying on the sofa, her head on the armrest, her loose hair hanging over it.

"That's _beautiful…_" Eric enthused, he was sitting cross-legged on top of the coffee table, elbows on his knees, chin in his hands, eyes riveted on Blair as she told him the _story _of how she and Chuck had finally gotten together.

She nodded emphatically, head turned towards him, "And… oh and Eric… and then it was… _foot popping!" _

His eyes widened, "Really?"

"Yes! Totally…"

"That's totally _romantic," _Eric gushed.

"I _know," _she gushed back.

And then she bolted up into a sitting position, startling Eric into straightening, "Chuck!"

Chuck was lounging on the same sofa, his back against the other armrest, her stocking-clad feet curled on his lap; a smirk on his face as he watched them. "Yes?"

"We left the macaroons!"

He nodded slowly; Eric looked between eagerly. "That we did." Chuck agreed.

"Go get them!" She commanded regally.

Chuck shook his head just as slowly, "No, I don't believe I will."

"Chuck!" She pouted, "But I'm hungry!"

He studied her. She and Eric were undoubtedly feeling the effects of their short smoke more strongly than he was. They looked pleasantly flushed and oddly delighted by everything, completely relaxed—and there was no way he was letting them out of his sight.

He smiled at his girl, "There is food here."

She pouted more.

Eric reached out and patted her knee, "It's okay, B. I have Cheetos."

She blinked at him and it was a measure of her state of mind that she didn't immediately reject the suggestion. "Which sort?" She inquired.

Eric blinked a little, "The… orange sort…"

"Oh," Blair stated, then swung her feet onto the floor, "Let's take a look then," she said with a nod.

Eric grinned and nodded, stood up. Blair did as well and stood across from each other, grinning.

"Come _on _Chuck," Blair said a moment later, reaching down and grabbing his had, "Eric has _Cheetos." _

He laughed at her, at them both, because they were sort of adorable; and when he stood up he pulled Blair to him for a kiss.

She giggled, mouth pressed against his, and then they were all moving back into the kitchen.

Eric was opening cupboards and frowning into them, "They're in here somewhere…" he said, pulling out item after item and setting it on the counter.

"I hid them." He explained.

"Oh how come?" Blair asked, infinitely interested. She smiled at Chuck, patted an area of the countertop and then lifted her arms.

"Serena steals."

"It was totally her then," Chuck stated as his hands grasped around Blair's waist. He boosted her up to sit on the counter. "She stole my stuff."

Eric laughed, "You think stole your pot?"

Blair cast Eric a supremely offended glance, "Hey, Blair Waldorf does not smoke pot."

Chuck's hand slipped under her skirt as he pressed against her legs, "This is hash," he provided.

She nodded, smiling and leaning towards him, "Exactly."

There lips were almost touching when Eric dumped the contents of another shelf beside Blair.

"Oh!" She cried reaching over and grabbing the box, "Pop tarts!"

"Those are Serena's." Eric provided. "I can't find my Cheetos!" His voice was pitched at something that was most definitely almost a whine.

"We'll eat her pop tarts in retribution!" Blair shouted, opening the box.

"But I want Cheetos!" Eric demanded and then turned towards Chuck, "Chuck!"

Chuck sighed, looked over at the younger boy, hand still up Blair's skirt, "Try over there…" he pointed towards the other set of cabinets.

"Oh… yeah…"

Chuck turned back to Blair, "So you're feeling relaxed…?"

"Hmm, yes… lovely, lovely feeling," she murmured leaning towards him again, one hand on his shoulder the holding the box of strawberry frosted pop tarts. His tongue teased her mouth open and she smiled teasingly when her teeth bit his lip, "Warm and loving…"

"So sweet," he breathed against her mouth, one hand sliding up her thigh, the other up her blouse, hands skimming the skin of her back as he pulled her closer. She let herself slide towards him, wrapped her legs around his middle, hooking her ankles together behind his back, closing her eyes as his lips moved from her mouth to the curve of her jaw.

Chuck might have climbed right onto the counter with her, if not the clattering and crashing sound that occurred behind them.

"Oh no!"

Blair froze at the noise and the startled exclamation, her eyes shooting open as she straightened in Chuck's hold.

Chuck sighed.

"I think it's dead!" Eric continued.

Blair pushed Chuck back a little so she could slide down, "What happened?" She asked walking on stockingened feet towards where Eric stood, looking down at a hunk of broken metal; the box of pop tarts still clutched in her hand.

She stopped by his side and a moment later Chuck stood by her side; all three looking down at the mess.

"I found the Cheetos," Eric provided, lifting the hand that held the bag.

"Oh good, that's so good." Blair enthused, happy Eric had found what he was looking for; she nudged Chuck in the arm with the box, "Isn't it?"

His eyes were still on the floor, "Marvelous."

"But then, when I pulled them…" Eric continued, "This fell… from the shelf… onto the counter… and then the floor…" he sighed, dropping his gaze to it again, "I think it's dead."

Blair sighed, "Oh dear."

They were quiet for a moment and then Chuck reached out with his foot and poked at the metal with his toe, "What _is _it?"

"It's the waffle maker," Eric answered.

"The… waffle maker?" Chuck asked, eyeing it with distaste.

Eric nodded, "It's a… maker… of waffles…"

Blair giggled, "And it's dead," she teased, also poking it with her foot.

Eric sighed sadly, as if he hadn't been the first to offer the suggestion, "You really think so?"

"Well E, it is in two pieces," Chuck answered, "And that piece… has a crack down the middle… and that one—no wait three pieces..."

Eric's head lifted to look at Chuck, "But… now… what will they eat?"

Chuck looked back, "Who?"

"You know… _them_…"

"Oh!" Blair cried, smiling, "This is _theirs." _

Eric nodded again, looked a little miserable. And Blair wrapped her free arm around him shoulders, "We'll get rid of the body… no one will ever know!"

"You think!?"

Blair nodded then looked over at Chuck, arched an eyebrow at him. He shrugged, "Sure... they can have the chef prepare them something, like civilized people."

Eric grinned, expression brightening, "Oh that's a good idea Chuck!"

"It was _my _idea, Eric." Blair scolded, from his side, "Chuck just _agreed _to it."

Eric nodded, grinning, "That's what I meant. Good idea, _Blair." _

She nodded, "I thought so… now… we have to… touch it, to get rid of it."

"I'm not touching it," Chuck stated a beat later.

"Well me either."

"It's your idea, Waldorf."

"Shut-up, Bass."

"Make me."

She huffed, "Oh, fine."

And then she was moving towards him and they were kissing again, Chuck's hands in her hair and hers against his shoulders and Eric watched them for a moment, because they did that _really _well.

And then he remembered what else he'd found in the cupboard, "Oh guys! Guys! I found this too!" he said eagerly, his eyes twinkling as he reached back into the cabinet and pulled out a bottle, "It's Grandma's!"

Blair turned around in Chuck's hold and grinned at him, all her lipstick was gone, but her lips were rosy, "It's gin!" she cried, delighted, "Let's have the gin!"

Chuck smirked, "Grandma's mementos are so delightful."

"We can deal with the body later." Blair proclaimed, taking Chuck's hand and as they strode back into the living room laden with Cheetos, strawberry pop-tarts, and a bottle of gin.

Chuck was grinning as Blair led him to the sofa and pointed for him to sit, Eric resumed his place on top of the coffee table and Chuck wanted to see how long it would take them to realize they needed glasses for the gin, and maybe some tonic water— but judging by the way Eric was examining every curve and nuance of the crunchy Cheeto held between his fingers, that could be a while.

Blair settled herself at the end of the sofa, back against the armrest, legs curled underneath her as she studied the package of pop tarts in her hand.

"Chuck!?" She called, eyes wide when he stood up.

"I'm just going to fix this up," he told her softly, reaching for the bottle, "I'll be right back, sweetheart."

She nodded, smiling a little, "Don't stay gone."

"These are so _crunchy." _ Eric said, quietly, chewing as he studied, "It's _loud. _Should they be so crunchy?"

"I don't know, E," Blair said, brow furrowed in concern, "What else would they be?"

"Have one…" he extended it to her.

She eyed his offering, "Hm, no thank you."

"Blair!"

"I was polite!"

"But it's a Cheeto!"

"It's orange!"

"So!?"

"So only oranges should be orange! And maybe sorbet."

"_Cheese_ can be orange!"

She blinked, "Not _good _cheese."

"_This_ has cheese on it…" he insisted, ignoring her protest, as he popped it into his mouth and pulling another one out for her.

She shook her head, "It's _too _orange. When you said it was orange I thought a delicate pastel, but not _that _orange!"

"But you had hash tonight! Why not a Cheeto!?"

"That's different!"

"Why are you shouting?" Chuck asked, returning with three very tall glasses of gin and tonic and handing them out.

"Blair'll have hash but not Cheetos!" Eric accused taking his glass.

"It's _different," _she insisted, also taking her glass, "They're like plants… which is nature… which is like… celery." She finished, setting the glass on the floor in front of her.

"I hate celery."

"Shut-up, Chuck."

Their gazes collided.

"You two are going to kiss now aren't you?" Eric asked.

Blair startled, looked away towards Eric, "What?"

"You've told him to shut-up two times and every time you kiss afterwards."

"Chuck!" She shouted, "Did you hear that!?"

He looked up from taking a long drink, "Probably… about kissing?"

"No! We're predictable! _Already!_" She cried, "And we've only been dating for 4 hours!"

"We're dating?"

Eric cringed.

"Wow man," he said softly, washing down another Cheeto with a swallow from his drink and watching Blair's gaze darken as she gathered up momentum, "It's like you've never met her." He finished.

"I don't _know _Chuck!" Blair yelled at him, throwing a piece of the pop tart she was eating at him, "_Are_ we?! I mean you _love _me, right?"

There was conspicuous silence. And then Chuck pouted a little, brushed crumbs off his shirt where her attack had landed, "I said I did, didn't I?"

"She probably wants you to say it again," Eric advised, nodding, "She likes to hear it— probably. Like this:" he explained, "I love you, Blair."

Blair's expression cleared momentarily as she turned to him with a wide smile, "I love you too, Eric."

The look she turned back to Chuck was not nearly as benevolent. Her eyes were narrowed and her lips pressed together, eyebrows faintly arched in expectation.

He smirked, said cheekily, "I love you, Blair," and then he grinned, reached for her and pulled her against him for a sloppy kiss that made her giggle.

Eric shook his head, "Do you guys ever stop…?"They didn't respond and he rolled his eyes.

"So you _love _me," Blair clarified, pulling back, "And I love you, like I said—_first, _by the way, I said it _first_—because I'm amazing. And then you _ran _and I _caught _you, you _said. _So we're _dating, _okay?"

He considered her for a moment, such pretty eyes and hair, and voice and _self. _Amazing, yes. "Yeah, okay."

They stared at one another in pure bliss for a moment and then Eric spoke, "Wow. I think you guys just made like…. real emotional progress."

Blair frowned at the younger boy, "You say that like it's shocking."

Chuck frowned too, "We make emotional progress all the time."

Eric grinned, nodded a little too vigorously at them, "Oh sure… yeah. I mean like _good _though."

They stared at him. He popped another Cheeto in his mouth. "Let's play a game."

Chuck blinked. Maybe giving Eric alcohol after the smoke hadn't been such a good idea. "A game…?"

"What sort of game?" Blair asked, marginally interested; she shifted, settled herself against Chuck's chest, took a bite of her pop tart and then lifted it behind her to offer him some.

"Truth or dare and I'll go first and Blair, I dare you to eat the Cheeto!"

She jolted upright, pop tart falling from her hand to the couch cushion to the floor, "That's not how you play, Eric Van der Woodsen!"

"Are you _passing_ on the dare!?" He challenged, smirking at her as he waggled his eyes brows.

Blair gaped at him; and then rolled her eyes. "Oh _fine._ Give me that Cheeto, cheater." She extended her hand.

Eric looked positively triumphant as he handed it to her.

She shifted, looked over at Chuck; he was looking at Eric with an oddly proud expression on his face. "Chuck wants one too," She said, a little spitefully.

"I'd never presume to encroach upon your glory, darling." He murmured, sipping from his glass. He needed a refill.

She scowled at him and then looked over at Eric, made sure to meet his gaze when she ate the crunchy chip. He grinned at her, thrilled, "You did it! You tried a new thing!"

She chewed, washed it down with gin, "I try new things all the time!" She protested.

Eric laughed.

"I do! I tried Chuck! He was new!" She insisted.

Chuck licked his lips, wondered if he should take offense to that; and then she looked over at him again. She was flushed, hair hanging around her shoulders in loose curls, lips swollen looking from all his kissing and dark eyes glimmering; beautiful.

She was leaning towards him, lips soft and warm against his; and he could lose himself in the taste of her, the feel of her skin against his hands…

When she pulled away, he blinked his eyes open, like coming out of a haze.

She giggled, "I thought you didn't want to watch us all night long, E?" Blair teased when she looked up and found Eric's eyes riveted on them.

"I didn't— how did you…?" He tilted his head a little, brows furrowed like he was replaying their kiss in his mind. She and Chuck watched him, amused, "How do you do that teeth and tongue thing without… bloodshed…?"

Chuck sighed, "Little bro, you've so been kissing the wrong people."

Eric's frown turned sad, "You think?" He nodded, "I think." He agreed.

"You have to go slow," Blair said sweetly, inching forward on the sofa, "At first, so you can feel for it, for whose going to bite first… later its familiar…" she murmured, shot Chuck a sultry glance.

And then back to Eric, "I'll teach you."

"You will!?" He sounded delighted, like when Blair had shown him how to tie his shoes.

She nodded, opening her mouth to respond.

Chuck's scoff cut her off, "That'll be like the blind leading the blind."

Eric cringed even before Blair whirled on Chuck. "What the _hell _is that supposed to mean, Chuck Bass!?"

Chuck opened his mouth, but behind Blair, Eric made a very definite slashing motion with his hand across his neck, and Chuck got the hint.

He snapped his mouth shut, and offered Blair a wan smile, "Err— your beauty blinds people…?"

She nodded once, then turned back to Eric, "I can teach you! Okay!? I even have the _perfect _boy to teach you with!"

Eric blinked, "Jonathon?"

"_No, _silly." Blair said like it was the preposterous thing for him to kiss his boyfriend. "His name is Quinn. He's a model, he was at a party that my Mom threw and he's _perfect _for you."

"A young model, I presume." Chuck inquired, swirling the liquid in his glass.

Blair frowned at him, "Of course. He's seventeen. I wouldn't set up Eric with some old guy." She sound offended.

Eric giggled, "B, I have a boyfriend."

"Don't get tangled up in details, Eric!" She admonished, smiling, "So then you and Quinn will get together and I'll give you guy's lessons."

"You don't think that will be at all awkward, sweetheart," Chuck asked, nuzzling his nose into her neck.

She shook her head, "Well maybe _we _should teach them."

He laughed, she was adorable. "Right. Sounds like a plan." He agreed, she wouldn't remember a word of this in the morning.

"My glass is empty." Eric sounded positively desolate.

Chuck laughed, shook his head as he shifted and stood. "I'll take care of it."

Eric handed him his glass, smiling his thanks. And Blair smiled too, then she looked around the room, taking in the boxes stacked about, "All these boxes… full of plaid items, I'm sure."

Eric laughed.

Blair laughed too and then she continued, "And sweater vests! And horrid patterns! And emo poetry! And… and…" her laughter halted abruptly, eyes widening almost comically, "And Cedric!"

Chuck was walking in to hear the last, glasses in his hands again. He handed them out, asking calmly, "What is a cedric?"

Her eyes were wide as she looked up at him, "Oh! Oh! Chuck, I want it!"

Chuck took a seat. Eric shrugged and took a drink.

"What is it?"

"It's my turn!" Blair continued as if he hadn't spoken, almost frantically as she surveyed the two boys. "I want him for Hyacinth! And it's my turn! And I _dare _you!"

Chuck took a deep drink. "You dare me to…?" he asked after swallowing.

"I dare you to steal Dan's cabbage patch!"

Eric sprayed the gin and tonic out of his mouth on a laugh, covered the front of his pants with it and didn't care; this was about to get _so _awesome.

Chuck reared back, "You _what!?" _

She nodded, "For Hyacinth! She needs an escort!"

Chuck gaped at her and then reached for his glass and chugged the entire contents in one breath.

"Wow…!" Eric exclaimed admiringly and then proceeded to laugh some more.

Chuck fixed his gaze on his girlfriend, of five hours now. "You want Dan Humphrey's cabbage patch." He said.

Blair nodded enthusiastically, "I do and I dare you and I _want _it."

"What the _hell _ do you want his cabbage patch for!?" Chuck shouted.

Blair frowned, "I just _told _you!"

Eric was still laughing when he asked, "Do you know what a cabbage patch is, Chuck?"

"OF COURSE I know what a cabbage patch is!? I've seen PLENTY of cabbages in A LOT of patches!"

Eric fell to the side a little laughing, "I don't think what you think a cabbage patch is, is what it actually is…"

"Look Eric," Chuck stated, getting annoyed, and maybe he shouldn't have drunk that last drink so quickly, "I appreciate you and your… advice that you give, all the time that I never need, but I _know _what a cabbage patch is. I'm Chuck Bass. Cabbage patches were _invented _for me. And you," he turned back to Blair, "Better have a damn good reason for wanting to steal _Humphrey's _cabbage patch because we both filled our quota for dredges from the bottom of—"

"It's a _doll,"_ Eric gasped through his laughter.

Blair was laughing too, was leaned over into his lap, a bundle of breathless giggles.

Chuck blinked at them, losing his steam, "A doll?"

They both nodded at him, laughing.

"A _doll?" _He said again.

Blair sat up, nodding, drawing in big gulping breaths of air.

"You want to steal Humphrey's _doll. _Humphrey has a—" he cut himself, blinked again, his face clearing, "Actually that make sense."

Blair nodded, "For Hyacinth," she repeated.

Chuck stared at her for a moment and then his face contorted in realization, "That deformed potato doll you used to make us hold!"

His eyes lit up with the memory of Blair shoving a blanket-wrapped doll in his arms, _if you're the uncle you have to hold her,_ the tiny girl had hissed at him.

"_That's_ Hyacinth!" He continued, grinning with the knowledge.

Eric was still shaking with laughter, but he lifted his head to shake it vigorously at Chuck, waved his hands too, but Chuck didn't see it, or get it, had no idea the danger he was in, continued speaking in his haze of sudden memory, "That thing with the cheeks! And those… goddamn _hands! _That were like—"

Blair shoved him hard as she back away from quickly, "She is NOT deformed!" She shouted angrily. Her shoe caught him right in the forehead, "She's _Hyacinth! _And she's MINE and I LOVE her! You vile, ignorant, oaf!"

She had the other shoe in her hand now and Chuck covered his face with hands, "Are you crazy!" He shouted, "You've maimed me! Is there blood!? It feels like there's blood! Eric!"

Eric was laughing so hard he couldn't see straight, he was in danger of falling off of the table, but he tried to focus on Chuck.

He leaned towards him, peered at his face, through gulps of air and giggles that wouldn't be reigned in.

"Don't be such a baby, Bass!" Blair shouted, moving towards him again and then grabbing his face between her hands.

She swiveled it away from Eric and towards her. "Will you do it?" She asked him suddenly serious.

He blinked, swallowed hard, "You want me to go through all these stupid boxes looking for a _doll?" _

She nodded, anger fading from her face and a little pout appearing, "For me?"

Chuck stared at her for a moment, and then closed his eyes; the heat of her fingers against his cheeks was intoxicating as the alcohol. The gaze he fixed on her a beat later was resigned and a little amused, "Every girl does need an escort."

* * *

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* * *


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer**: I do not own "Gossip Girl."

* * *

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* * *

"It is not here."

Blair sipped her drink, "He _must _be."

"For the love of—" Chuck huffed, threw his hands up in the air, "Do you _see _it anywhere?!"

The living room was an absolute disaster area. He had spent the last fifteen minutes opening boxes and spilling out the contents as Blair perched on an armrest, eyeing him with the interest of Queen a laboring serf. Her legs were crossed at the ankles and the expression on her face said clearly she didn't understand what the holdup was…

"Well you haven't opened the proper box yet, then." Another delicate sip.

He reached for his drink, took a long swallowed, and set it down before proclaiming. "I'm not opening anymore Brooklyn boxes, Blair! There's _dust _in them!"

She eyed him for a moment; and then she giggled, a hand coming up to her mouth in a sweet gesture he hadn't seen from her in years. "Brooklyn, boxes, Blair," she listed, terribly amused by it, "All B's!"

He wanted to roll his eyes, but she looked so delighted in the matching B's that he found himself drawn to her; slow steps carrying him past the mess of polyester blends and vinyl records he'd spilled onto the floor and sofa earlier.

Blair continued, setting her drink down and reaching her hands out to lay on his shoulders when he was close enough for her touch, "_**B**__ass_…" she said with emphasis leaning towards him for a quick kiss. He was more than happy to comply. She pulled back with the word, "Bendel's!" on her lips.

And then suddenly looked upset, yanked her hands off his shoulders, "You're covered in _dust!" _She cried, looking at him in horror.

He blinked at her. "I know!"

"And _Brooklyn_ stole our letter!"

"I know!"

She scowled, "We must save Cedric!"

He was laughing then, because the bottle of gin was more than half-way empty and he was covered in _dust _from _Brooklyn _looking for a _doll _and where the hell was _Eric…? _

"We're _saving_ him now?" He asked her, looking around the messy living room for his little brother.

"Of course! Rescuing him from a life of…" she faltered, bit her lip, "… of…" she shrugged, "… of Brooklyn-ness."

"They're moving _here, _you know…_" _

She rolled her eyes, reached for her drink as she made an airy gesture, "I meant the _people."_ She clarified, taking a sip.

He nodded, that made sense. "Where's _Eric?" _Not exactly a subtle shift in subjects, but the best he could do right now. He lifted his drink and finished it.

"Oh," she looked around the way he had a moment ago, "I don't know." Her eyes widened in alarm, "Did we lose him?"

Chuck shook his head, set the empty glass down, "I don't think so."

She set her glass aside. "Uh-oh," she slipped off the armrest, which brought her closer to him; his arms came up to wrap around her.

She shook her head, pushed him back a step, "Dust is like _dirt's _baby sister, Chuck." She told him very seriously; and needed to explain no further.

Blair Waldorf had made it very clear back in 1995 how she felt about _dirt._

He sighed, stepped back, and maybe he pouted a little, "It's all over me _because_ of you_._"

She arched an eyebrow, "Am I not _worth _it!?"

He tensed, had totally walked into that one. "We lost Eric!" He deflected.

She frowned at him, but then turned around and shrieked, "Eric!" Into the quiet apartment.

A beat later and the boy appeared at the top of the steps.

"I didn't ruin it!" He defended, eyes wide, hair on end, hands clasped behind his back.

"Eric!" Blair continued joyfully now as she grinned up at him. She walked towards the steps, "We thought we lost you!"

He shook his head, looking between Blair and Chuck almost guiltily, "I'm here."

Blair nodded, "How'd you get up there?"

"Oh…" he looked around, "The steps…?"

"Oh," she looked at them for a moment and then nodded, "I see."

"I don't," Chuck commented, coming to stand with her as he too looked up at Eric, "You said you'd help me."

"Oh I am!" Eric said excitedly.

Chuck blinked, "You are?"

"Yep, I almost opened a box already!"

Blair's eyes went wide as saucers, "There are boxes up there?"

She whirled to Chuck, before Eric could answer, "Chuck! There're boxes up there!" And then she was moving up the steps.

Chuck didn't move. He looked up.

Blair was a step away from the top when she came to a halt, "Chuck Bass, are you looking up my skirt!?"

He didn't look away, "I am."

Blair huffed and then stomped up that last step.

"Eric, show me," she commanded, extending her for him to take.

He paused, hands still behind his back, his brow furrowed in anxiety.

She frowned in concern, "Is something wrong?"

He shook his head, "Nope." And then, _without _taking her hand he spun around and proceeded down the hall. She caught a flash of red in his hold before he disappeared into the guest room.

"Hm," she murmured and followed him into the room. "Eric would you care to…" she sighed, waved a hand in the air, figured he could probably deduce what she was saying from that.

Eric stared at her and she had a sudden flash of him at three-years-old, wide brown eyes and a shock of blonde hair, wanting to know if he could play too.

"I found it." He said quietly.

And Blair lit up, "You found Cedric!?" She cried.

Eric blinked, "Wha--? Oh! No." He shook his head.

Blair huffed, "You're supposed to be looking for—oh! That's Chuck's!"

"What's mine?" He asked them, walking in as Blair was studying the brightly patterned scarf in Eric's hands.

"Oh! That's mine!" He said a breath later catching sight of the scarf.

"I just _said _that, Chuck," Blair retorted, turning her face towards him, "You have to listen to me if I'm your girlfriend, okay… it's like a rule."

"I don't like rules, Blair."

"But these aren't _just _rules, they're _my _rules."

He smirked, slid his gaze to her chest, to the curve of her hip, before going back to her eyes, "Do I get a reward for following them?"

She smirked back, took in his mussed hair and sparkling eyes and bit her lip a little, he was adorable. "Oh there'd definitely be a reward…"

"So I can have it?" Eric's voice was curiously conversational; as if he'd had an entire discussion with them, rather than just blurting out a question neither of them could follow.

"Huh?" Blair asked, turned back to the younger boy; the question took a moment to filter into her mind and then she smiled, "You can have whatever you want."

"I want this!"

Chuck blinked, looked away from Blair, to study the scarf that Eric held in his hands, "That's mine!" He repeated.

"It was on the _floor._"

"Oh." Chuck shrugged, "I threw stuff around, looking for—you were there!" He frowned suddenly, "And you're supposed to be helping me with… you know…"

"Doll-hunting?" Blair provided sweetly. Chuck sent her a quick, dark glare; the effect ruined when he smiled at the kiss she blew him.

"I was!" Eric insisted, "And then I walked past your room and saw it and it was on the floor and you don't _wear _it anymore and I would!"

"It's summertime!" He protested.

"We're still in spring." Blair provided, reaching out and carefully tugging the scarf from Eric's hands.

He let go as she very slowly twirled in a circle and wound it carefully around her neck; the boys watched her in silence and when she was finished she beamed at them, "Finder of Cedric wins the scarf!"

Chuck made a gasping noise he'd never admit to, "You can't do that!"

She smiled, smug and stunning, "I can't?"

"It's mine!"

"So you keep saying…" she said, eyes flitting over to where Eric was taking Blair's words as seriously as he ought to and had begun un-taping a box, "But _someone's_ getting a head-start…"

"It's... it's…"

She spun in a slow circle again, arms up, hair tossed back as she held the ends of the scarf up above her head; she looked enchanting, mouthwatering even, and he found himself drawn closer, "Your signature…?" She provided, voice softly teasing, even as his hands came out to touch her waist, "Your trademark…?" She spun in between his fingers, "But you don't wear it anymore…. you have to _wear _it for it to be your trademark, Chuck Bass." She finished, holding still so their gazes could meet.

"I forgot where I put it."

"And now it's found."

"Yes— found."

And then she giggled, leaned towards him for another _too _quick kiss, and then skipped over to the neatly made bed; hopped onto it so she could watch them.

Eric had spilled out an entire box already, Jenny's— judging by the mess of fabric; Blair sighed, "He's not in there..."

"We see that, Blair," Chuck pointed out.

She frowned at him, "We have to find him!" Blair rallied, "Hyacinth _will_ have her beau!"

The boys stared at her. She rolled her eyes, "That means _boyfriend." _

Chuck frowned, "I _know. _I just I don't think I like you matchmaking _your_ doll with _Humphrey's_ doll."

Blair brought both hands up in a helpless gesture, "Well, _you _don't have a doll for me to matchmake with!" Her expression brightened, "Do you?"

"Of course not! Why would I have a— I'm _Chuck Bass!_" He shouted.

Eric snorted a laugh and Blair giggled.

Chuck rolled his eyes, "Enough; I'm ending this!" And then he turned around and left the room.

Blair and Eric exchanged glances, "Do you think he's mad?"

Blair lifted her chin, "I can't possibly imagine why."

"You should kiss him or something… that makes him happy… and distracts him…"

"Do you really want the scarf?" She asked him curiously, fingering the ends of it.

Eric met her gaze with a twinkling one of his own and then laughed, bright and happy, as he reached out quickly and tugged one end out of it out her hands, then swift like the little boy she and Serena had chased from their door during sleepovers, he unwound it from her neck and started making off with it.

"_Eric!_" She shrieked, jumping from the bed and latching onto the tail end of the scarf.

They were racing down the steps then, one end of the scarf the in each of their hands, both grinning; "Let go!" She cried.

"You first!"

"I had it first!"

"_I _had it first!"

They spilled into the living and used it to swing each other around; stopped when they were face to face, breathing hard and still laughing, "I'm your elder!"

"I'm your… _younger!" _He retorted inanely.

And then he reached out with one hand and grabbed one of the records lying on top of the sofa's backrest—and threw it at her, "Catch!"

Blair shrieked bloody murder, let go of the scarf and ducked to the floor, hands over her head.

The record zipped over her and slammed into a painting on the wall before bouncing off of it and crashing to the floor— landing in pieces.

"ERIC!!" She shouted, lunging at him, "You could have _killed _me!"

He squeaked and jumped back, wound the scarf up his arm as he ran to put the couch between himself and the murder in Blair's eyes, "Haven't you ever played Frisbee!?"

"You were _always _a terror!!" She shouted and then picked up another record and flung it at him, "I'll show you _Frisbee_!"

"I was a _delight!_" He defended, barely ducking as the thing sailed about two feet from him and into another wall.

"You VOMITED in my closet!" She shouted, coming at him again.

Eric's eyes almost popped out of his head, "I was _seven_! And sick!" He shouted back, moving to keep the sofa between them.

"I needed an entire new wardrobe!" She yelled, threw a cushion right at his face and then lunged _over _the sofa.

Eric sputtered and then gave another squeak when he saw Blair was coming at him.

"You're CRAZY!" He shouted as she collided into him and they staggered back; landing in a heap on the other couch, her hands gripping the scarf and pulling— hard.

"This is NEWS to you!"

"NO actually!"

She froze, both hands wrapped around one end of the scarf, a foot in his stomach, breathing hard and glaring. Eric held just as still, his hands wrapped around the scarf too, his back arching away from the armrest he was pressed against in attempt to get leverage.

And then Blair dissolved into laughter; breathy giggles that had her falling back on the couch, "Oh my god…" she breathed between laughs, "I can't believe…" she breathed.

Eric relaxed too, grinned as he caught his breath, patted Blair on the shoulder.

"… believe…" Blair continued, "That you… fell for that!" And then she rolled over him towards the floor, yanking both ends of the scarf towards herself as she came to her feet.

Eric's mouth opened in protest and then his eyes widened in alarm when he saw her unbalanced turnout.

He reached out quickly, hand skimming Blair's arm as she slipped backwards towards the floor. "Blair!"

Her eyes were wide too, flashed with panic, and then Chuck was there.

"Whoa," he said, arms coming around her, as she fell backwards into him, "Careful!" It came out sharper than he'd intended— but if she'd fallen, it would have been right into the hard coffee table… or the hard floor— keyword being _hard. _

"Chuck!" Blair gasped, turning around in hold, his scarf still in her hands. She met his gaze, catching her breath, her brief moment of fear gone.

"Good save, man!" Eric congratulated, then collapsed back onto the couch with a sigh— Blair could have the stickin' scarf.

She smiled at Chuck, lifted the scarf man, "Look! I won!"

"You almost _fell." _Chuck responded to Blair's enthusiasm

She shrugged, smiling, "You saved me!"

And then she was kissing him, no finesse, no art; just giddiness and love and he lost himself in it.

Eric lifted his head, saw his chance, and moved in close. He was quiet as a mouse and his fingers were almost touching it when Blair lifted her head.

"Eric Van der Woodsen, you touch that scarf and Chuck is going to see _every single one _of our Precious-Eric-Moment's montage."

He froze, looked up at her. "You don't still have those?"

"I definitely do."

Chuck blinked, "What's—"

"Nothing!"Eric shouted, backpedalling so he landing on his bottom on the couch. "_Nothing." _He repeated vehemently.

Blair touched Chuck's cheek gently, "You remember little Eric? When we all met? Serena would bring him when she went to play at my house… and he had these little cheeks and he was _precious_ with all this mop of silky hair_…" _

Eric moaned, "Oh god…"

She laughed, "It was so _braid-able…" _

"Blair!"

Chuck blinked at her. "You didn't?"

She blinked back, pure innocence.

Eric huffed. "And _I _was a terror?"

Blair laughed, laid her head on Chuck's shoulder.

"If you two are finished with your display of violence… I found something that may interest you, Blair."

Her head shot up, "You did?!"

He nodded. "Or at least I presume that is what the lumpy-faced moppet I found is."

"Why didn't you _say_ so! Or bring him!"

"Well, I wasn't going to _touch_ it…" he said a tiny bubble of frustration rising up in him, "And I was busy preventing a potentially harmful fall."

Blair nodded, very seriously, and Chuck's bubble of frustration melted away; he was having a hard time feeling anything, but happy. He leaned in to press light kiss on her nose.

"You win," she declared, meeting his gaze, her own dancing with merriment; and then very carefully, draped the scarf over his shoulder in the manner he had been accustomed to wearing it.

She held his gaze for another beat and then he laughed, because the whole thing felt oddly ceremonial; like she was _dubbing _him _Chuck-Bass_ once more.

He gently nudged her out of the living room, "In that guest room…" he told her, pointing her towards the downstairs bedrooms.

And when she started heading that way he slapped her bottom lightly.

She startled, "Bass!" She admonished even as she tossed him a smile over her shoulder.

The living room was quiet without Blair's chatter and Chuck studied the mess. "What is that?" He asked, motioning towards the shards lying on the floor a few feet.

"A record," Eric said simply, "I tossed it… it flies… like a Frisbee…" He was sitting on the sofa, knees drawn up under his chin, "Serena told me they threw those out!"

Chuck didn't reply, took a step towards him.

"I mean it's not even the braids that are bad. It's like… the colored ties… and the bows… and then the like… arrangement of them..."

Chuck shook his head, was standing in front of him, looking down, "You let them do that to you?"

Eric sent him an evil look, "Way to be supportive, Chuck."

Chuck smirked; and then he swung the scarf off his shoulders and onto Eric's, "For you."

Eric's hands came up as the scarf settled over his shoulders; he gaped at Chuck for a beat and then he shot to his feet, "But it's yours!"

Chuck shrugged, "Now it's yours."

They were still staring at each other when a beat later, Blair glided towards them, clutching the doll to herself, grinning, "I have Cedric!"

"I have the scarf!" Eric told her, turning and sliding on his sock-clad feet towards her.

"You do!?"

"He _gave _it to me!"

"Oh! How _sweet!" _She cried, looking over at him, "Chuck you did _sweet!" _Then back at Eric, "It's my influence," she said sagely.

Chuck rolled his eyes as he approached his alcohol buzz was evaporating, but watching their elation was providing its own buzz.

Eric knew to nod at Blair's words. And then he said sweetly, "I'm sorry I said you were crazy."

"I'm sorry I called you a terror."

"I'm sorry I threw a record at your head."

"I'm sorry I kicked you."

Eric tilted his head to one side, "You didn't…"

"Oh. I was going to."

"Oh." Eric considered, "I forgive you."

Blair nodded, "Me too!" And then she hugged him, Cedric squished between them.

Chuck laughed a little, shook his head at them, "So you're both happy now; can we—"

"_You _made us happy!" Blair shouted and then she reached out to him, grabbed the collar of his shirt and tugged him into their hold; throwing her arm around his neck and hugging Eric with the other.

And that was when they heard the elevator.

"Oh my god!" Blair whispered, pulling away.

Eric nodded, "They're back!"

"We never disposed of the body!" Blair hissed, taking his hand, "Let's hide!"

Chuck shook his head even as Blair dragged him behind a sofa, "We're not—"

"Yes, we are!" Eric hissed, and together she and Blair shoved him behind a sofa.

"Oh my god!" It was Jenny's voice, shrill and aghast.

"Holy shit." Dan gasped.

"Lily—"

"Oh my." She cut Rufus off.

Blair placed a finger over her lips, signaling the boys to remain silent. The room was silent as the four new arrivals presumably studied the mess around them. It was probably a lot worse from a more… sober standpoint, Blair figured.

"What the hell happened here?" Rufus picked up, "All my music is on the—oh my god!" He had probably spotted the broken ones, Eric figured.

"I have no idea." Lily said quietly, she didn't sound all that perturbed, "I can call someone up here to—"

"Someone opened all our boxes," Jenny deduced, interrupting.

Blair rolled her eyes; mouthed _duh _at Chuck and Eric.

Eric grinned. Chuck looked put out.

"But what for?" Dan asked, his voice was getting closer to where they were hiding. "And who? And…" he paused, "This is just crazy…"

"This is _Everytime_!" Rufus shouted, "It's broken!"

Eric cringed; mouthed _whoops. _Blair looked distinctly proud, Chuck still looked put out.

"I don't understand," Dan continued.

"Hm, it is puzzling." Lily agreed, "Though I'm certain no one broke in."

"Who would _do _this?" Rufus asked.

And Chuck shrugged at Eric and Blair, before standing smoothly from behind the sofa.

"Chuck Bass." Dan growled, "Not surprising."

"Charles…?"

Blair sighed and stood as well.

Jenny's mouth dropped open, "Blair!?"

Dan blinked, "Okay… more surprising."

Eric stood too; couldn't let them have all the fun.

"_Eric!?" _Lily gasped, a hand coming to the base of her throat,

Dan stared, "Okay… shocking."

Lily shook her head, waved her hand to encompass the living room, "What is the meaning of this?"

"Did you do this?" Rufus yelled, waving piece of the record in the air at them, "Who did this?!"

Eric raised his hand, "But I got the scarf!"

"Is that _Cedric!?" _Dan yelled taking a step towards them.

Blair clutched the doll tighter, turned slightly away from him, into Chuck. Chuck took her hand. "We were just leaving."

"Leaving…?" Lily said softly.

Eric nodded, "Yep, escape suite!"

They started moving towards the elevator.

"Wait just a minute there!" Rufus shouted, "I want an explanations for this!"

"Is this gin?" Lily asked, peering at the nearly empty bottle.

"Come now Lily, you're familiar with the look of a gin bottle," Chuck teased.

Rufus scowled at them, "Just what are you insinuating there!"

"He's not talking to you, Papa Brooklyn!" Blair shouted.

"Are you _drunk_?" Jenny wondered, looking at her closely.

Blair looked back just as closely, "You didn't learn anything from me," she sadly a moment later.

They were in the foyer now; Lily, Rufus, Jenny, and Dan all following them.

"Wait, wait! Hold on a sec! That's mine!" Dan cried, when Eric pushed the button. He was pointing at Blair's bundle.

Blair shook her head, "I'm rescuing him!"

"Resuci—" Dan shook his head, extended his hand, "Stop messing around, give it to me."

"No."

His eyebrows arched, "Blair, it's—"

"Chuck!" She turned to him, met his gaze.

And then Chuck turned to Dan, asked drolly, "How much for the doll?"

"Wha—what?"

Chuck rolled his eyes, "How much," he said very slowly, "For. the. doll?"

The elevator doors opened.

"I'm not selling you my— I'm not selling it! Give it back!"

"Oh look, we have to go!" Eric said sweetly as he stepped inside and pulled Blair and consequently Chuck in after him, "See ya!" He called.

"Children, where are you—"

The elevator doors closed, as Lily sighed and said, "… going?"

* * *

**.Fin.**

**.epilogue, to come.  
**

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	4. Epilogue

**Disclaimer**: I do not own "Gossip Girl."

**Author's Note**: Thanks to everyone who's reviewed, you really make my day. :)

And here's just a little something extra...

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* * *

"Open it Miss Blair."

Blair eyed the box with wariness. "I need to think, Dorota." She snapped.

The card she held in her hand, said simply, _A memento from our night of relaxation, -- C._

That meant _anything _could be in this box. Liquor, condoms, drugs, _waffles_ even, she shuddered a little.

It'd been two days and she had only been marginally successful at erasing the entire episode from her memory.

They'd spent the rest of the night at the Palace, in 1812. They'd ordered ice cream and Blair had fallen asleep to a debate about rocky road versus plain chocolate—only to be awakened by a glop of the former falling on her temple.

"_Whoops…" _

"_Maybe she won't wake—"_

_The cold, gooey sensation slipping into her hair and their whispered words pulled her out of a light sleep. Her hand came up to touch the cold away and found a lump of something, she squeaked, sat up, and the lump slid down her face. _

_She screamed then. _

"_What IS this!?" She cried, bringing her hands out in front of her. They were smudged with…_

"_I wanted Chuck to try it." Eric offered sheepishly, sticking the spoon in his mouth._

_Chuck shook his head, "I pushed it away. I'm not defacing my chocolate with marshmallows."_

_Eric sighed, "But it's—"_

"_Did you drop _ice cream _on my _head!?_" She shrieked, reaching out and rubbing her hands against Chuck's sleeve. "Is _that _what you're saying!?" _

"_Hey!" Chuck reared back, "Don't get it on me!" _

"_Ex-_cuse _me!" She shouted, "It's in my _hair!_" _

_Chuck shrugged nonchalantly, "Just barely." _

_Her eyes narrowed and he realized probably one second too late that, that was not the proper response. She reached over and grabbed the entire contents of Eric's bowl and then smeared it in his hair. _

"_BLAIR!" And maybe he shrieked too as he leaped off of the bed. _

_Eric gaped. Because not only was one entire side of Chuck's face dripping with ice cream… it was _his _ice cream. _

_He looked down at his bowl, the scoop of ice cream missing. "Blair, I was eating that," he protested. _

_She didn't get a chance to respond, Chuck was advancing on her with a menacing look on his face and she squeaked and jumped off the bed too. _

_It was no use. _

"_Eric, hand me the container." Chuck said calmly, wiping at his face; melted ice cream dripping from his chin onto the carpet._

_Blair gasped. _

"_Which one?" Eric asked. _

"_Don't you dare!" Blair said a little hysterically as she backed away, "I was sleeping! You woke me up! I had a right to… to… retribution!" _

_Chuck eyed her. "Both of them."_

"_Eric! Don't!" _

_But Eric did; enamored as he was his big brother,_ Chuck gave me the scarf, Blair, _he'd prattled on and on; he handed Chuck both the rocky road and the dutch chocolate and after apparently getting some signal from the Chuck he whirled on Blair and picked her up… _

He. picked. her. up.

"_ERIC!!!" _

_She was slung over his shoulder when Chuck approached and dumped half-melted chocolate ice cream into her hair. _

_It dribbled all over her shoulders and onto Eric's neck and back. He jumped under her, surprised at the cold, hadn't expected to get it on himself, "Chuck!" _

"_I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" Blair shouted and lunged for Chuck, while still on Eric's shoulder; tipping the other container in his hands towards him and shoving it at him so the contents spilled down the front of his shirt. _

"_Stop moving!" Eric yelled, staggering backwards from her momentum._

"_Put me down!" She yelled back, kicking her feet. _

_Eric faltered, unbalanced, started falling backwards; Blair latched onto Chuck's shirt as they fell. Eric turned suddenly and they collapse onto the bed in a mess of legs and arms and ice cream accompanied by the popping of the buttons on Chuck's shirt. _

_They laid there for a moment, catching their breaths, and then Chuck looked over at Blair, eyes glimmering with amusement, "You could have just asked if you wanted to undress me so badly." _

_Blair fully intended to gut him like a fish for that comment, but then Eric laughed, breathy and exhausted, "Dude. Quit. She's gonna fry us alive." _

_And some, just a tiny bit, of her steam left her._

_Chuck laughed, just as breathy and relaxed, "I'd protect you, E." _

"_And just who's going to protect _you, _Bass?" Blair inquired, "Do you see what you've done!? I'm covered in— I'm like… _filthy!_" She cried, sitting up slowly, "And cold and sticky and—" _

"_So am I," he retorted, motioning to the mess she'd made of his poor shirt. _

"_You deserved it…" _

_Chuck smirked, eyed her slowly, her cheeks flushed and hair a teased into tangles, eyes glaring fire at him, "I could help you get clean…" he offered, "And warm."_

_She stopped wiping at her hair, puckered her lips a little, "Really?" _

_He watched her; she brought a finger, sticky with ice cream, to her lips, licked it. _

"_Yes." He murmured, voice low, and then he was standing, saying, "Eric, entertain yourself," as he reached for Blair and scooped her into his hold. _

"_Chuck!" She cried, softer this time, giggling. _

_Eric sat up, Chuck was carrying Blair, "Where are you guys—"_

_And then they disappeared into the bathroom. _

She blushed a little remembering their shower and shower-time _activities. _

"Miss Blair?" Dorota asked again, eyeing her a little suspiciously now.

Blair swallowed hard and sighed, ran her fingers over the box. It was nondescript, seemed harmless enough, but for all she knew there could be exploding ice cream in it.

Eric had been asleep when they'd emerged, flushed and grinning, from their shower— considerably less sticky than when they'd entered. They'd been exhausted, had eyed him for a moment and then shrugged; pulled the chocolate stained coverlet out from under him, tossed it to the floor, and then piled in for the night.

In the morning it had all seemed like a dream; a crazy, sugar-high, alcohol-induced, drugged up dream.

And for a beat, she knew they'd all considered pretending it hadn't really happened likethat_; that_ nutty and hysterical and uninhibited.

But then Eric had grinned a little sheepishly and said _last night was fun _and Chuck had quietly agreed and then she had too… because it had been. Maybe the most fun she'd had in a long, long time.

Until Lily's phone call.

"_I'm sure you three are aware of why I asked you here." _

_They'd stared at her in silence. It was mid-afternoon, the apartment was devoid of Humphrey's, and maids were still working to restore the Van der Woodsen suite to its usual state. Apparently they'd spilled alcohol on the rug and wet cheeto dust stained; and the Humphrey items needed to be allocated since they'd been displaced from their storage._

"_We may have gotten a little carried away," Eric admitted._

"_My painting has a scratch on it, Eric." Lily admonished. _

"_It was my fault, I—"_

"_I am not asking whose fault it is, Charles," Lily cut in, "I am—"_

"_That's good," Blair interrupted, "Because it's not actually his fault. I'm the one who—"_

"_I broke the waffle maker." Eric confessed, before Blair could continue._

_Lily stared at him and then sighed softly. "Eric honey, if you're upset about... something... there are other ways to express that."_

_Eric blinked at his mother and then said mildly, "It was an accident." _

"_Well, those happen." Lily agreed, "And as upset as that has made everyone, I'm sure, in time, a replacement can be found." _

_And then her gaze landed on Blair. "I cannot say the same about your indiscretion, dear." _

_Blair stiffened, "I can't imagine what you're referring to."_

"_I volunteered to speak with you on this matter… Dan is a bit upset. He claims you've stolen something from him."_

_Blair's chin lifted, "Hardly."_

"_So you didn't leave here last night with a…" Lily paused, seemed to look for another term and then gave up, sighed again, "A _doll_ of his." _

_Blair avoided Lily's gaze. "I hardly _stole _it." She equivocated a moment later. _

"_Darling, you must give it back."_

"_She's in possession of it Lily." _

_Lily rolled her eyes, "Charles, I am not going to argue the ownership of a _cabbage patch._" She huffed delicately, "Let's simply do what we can to put this incident behind us, hm?" _

_Blair remained obstinately silent. _

_Lily pressed her lips together, "Blair I hate to resort to such an old mechanism, but… well, please return the doll or I will have to speak to your mother." _

_Blair's eyes widened a little, "You'd speak to my _mother_…"_

"_I'm afraid so."_

_Blair resisted the urge to pout, she was an adult— a Grace-Kelly-like adult. _

_She swallowed hard, could feel Chuck's gaze and Eric's resting on either side of her face as she plastered a smile on and said steadily, "That won't be necessary, it was just a silly dare after all..."_

She'd had a courier deliver the doll that evening; and hadn't made a big deal out of it either. Because she was sober. And there were certain lows you didn't go to without a high blood-alcohol level.

She drew in a deep breath now; bit her lip, as she pulled the bow loose on the box. "Step back, Dorota."

Dorota made a gaspy sound and stepped away, "Is trouble, Miss Blair?"

"Isn't everything Chuck?" She murmured softly, but there was a hint of a smile her face.

He'd been with her when she'd sent Cedric away; hadn't said a single word about her having made him find it or her not even getting a chance to take it _to _Hyacinth… or even the fact, that Blair _had _Hyacinth.

He'd been _nice _about it.

Another reason to suspect the contents of this box.

She stood as far away from the box as she could while she lifted the top off of it and tossed it aside.

Nothing exploded—that was a good sign.

She neared it again and peered inside.

And then she gasped, a hand to her throat, mouth dropping open, eyes going wide— because lying on a pink silk pillow was a Cabbage Patch Kid.

It had a bush of dark curls and painted dark brown eyes, wore brown corduroy pants and a lavender striped vest over a pale rose shirt accented with a dark purple bow-tie.

It was Chuck Bass, if Chuck Bass were a deformed potato doll.

"Oh Miss Blair, i's doll… like yours…"

Blair didn't respond, reached in and lifted the card lying atop the doll. It was written in Chuck's scrawling script and she was smiling, grinning, maybe even a little teary at the short, simple sentences.

_This is Harmon Bass. He would like to politely request the honor of Miss Hyacinth's favor. He heard there was an opening. _

It came to her then, a conversation from a year ago.

"_Chuck Bass, is a romantic, who knew?"_

"_Now you do, that's all that matters." _

She shook her head slowly, still smiling as she set the card down gently. Then she very carefully reached in to lift the doll out of the box, "Oh Chuck," she whispered as she hugged it to her.

Dorota nodded, smiling, "I take box, Miss Blair, you play with doll."

Blair smiled, nodded, "Thanks, Dorota." She took both cards with her as she left the living room. Her _proof _he could be unspeakable sweet.

She walked into her room very slowly, still holding the doll close. When she walked in she set the cards on her dresser and then moved to open her closet door.

Her doll was sitting on a shelf, chubby cheeks and smiling face greeting her every time she slid the doors open.

Hyacinth was a gift from her Dad.

She'd been four years old when he'd presented her with Hyacinth; he had told her the doll was beautiful, almost as beautiful as her, and she was the most beautiful girl in the entire world. He had purchased matching dresses for them on multiple occasions and Blair had loved the admiring glances and praising words she'd received when she'd walked around holding a matching Hyacinth in her arms.

As she'd gotten older the doll hadn't always represented such unabashed joy. Sometimes the doll had been just chubby cheeks and painted eyes and a mocking smile…

But mostly, Hyacinth was her Daddy's big smile and his warm hugs and his loving voice, _pretty darling's…_

She smiled at the memory, carefully reached up and set Harm next Hyacinth. She grinned a moment later— they made quite the striking couple.

And then she pulled out her phone, snapped a picture, and sent it to Chuck with the line,_ Hyacinth thinks Harm is quite dashing, _attached to it.

A beeping sound made her jump and she looked up-- found Chuck standing in the doorway to her room, wondered briefly if he'd been here all along, Dorota had a habit of accommodating his wishes.

He retrieved his cell phone, read the message and nodded knowingly, "Well, I would imagine so," he murmured, coming into the room, as he waved a hand towards himself, "Just look at his inspiration."

Blair grinned, shook her head and stretched out her arms so he could walk into them. "You're going soft, Bass," she murmured, wrapping her arms around his neck, her nose nuzzling his.

He smirked a little, gaze soft as his arms came around her waist, pulling her close; pressed together, nose to nose, and smiling, he whispered, "Only for you."

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